


Good Bye

by texting_fangirl



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hugging, Leaving, final good bye, leaving the tardis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 23:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9352082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texting_fangirl/pseuds/texting_fangirl
Summary: It has been a few weeks with the 12th Doctor and you can't take it anymore.You take the trip back in time and run into the 11th Doctor, having a last chance to say good bye.





	

“What, what, it makes you... what do you people call it, chubby!”  
“That is kind of offensive.”  
“You asked for an opinion, well, I’m being honest here!”  
“Yes but... everyone, me included, wants to hear from someone else that they look good in something. You know, to assure themselves? Even if it’s not exactly true? Have you never talked to a girl about this before?”  
“You’re a girl?”  
“I- what? Excuse me, do you not keep track of what gender you companion is?”  
He wiped away the last comment with a gesture.

“No, not really. Makes it much easier to talk to everyone. What’s the point in picking out an outfit anyway, it covers you, that’s fine by human standards.”  
“You-“ You cut yourself off before saying another word. Your throat hurt and tears were lurking close behind your eyes. More talking, defending yourself and you feared they might spill.  
Instead you resolved to crossing arms and glaring at the Doctor through narrowed eyes.  
Once again you wondered where the softness, the understanding, the kindness of the 11th Doctor had gone off to. Was it still in him, somewhere? Inaccessible for now? Or utterly lost, leaving you with an insensitive incarnation who didn’t care much for his companion?  
Maybe that was an exaggeration.

His watery eyes stared back at you, obviously missing your point.  
This open ignorance in such contrast to how he had been before hurt greatly. After another heartbeat of staring you rolled your eyes and turned around with a huff, heading towards the exit leading deeper into the Tardis. For a moment you thought he might follow you - that he had somehow sensed your emotional state or seen your eyes water, but no. Your steps rang in your ears, and your steps alone as you left him in the control room.  
There wasn’t a last comment made about you leaving, and you were sincerely glad for that. On the other hand, he was probably already distracted by something tech-related and simply forgot.

  
The door to your room appeared not much ahead of you and you silently thanked the Tardis for caring when the alien operating her wasn’t.  
You slid your hand over a spot on the wall and looked at the ceiling before entering.  
Closing the door behind you was like shutting a whole world out.

The room you were in now had very little in common with the hallways leading to it;  
There was a big window opposite the door. It showed a glimpse of the forest the Tardis carried with her to supply fresh air to its passengers, at the moment showing the darker, lower parts where not much from the light from the star fuelling the Tardis could reach.  
Today you didn’t cross the room and sat down in wonder before the thick window.  
Instead your legs gave away by themselves by the door, leaving you to slowly slide down the wall.

A deep sigh escaped your chest, accompanied by two tears that quietly fell from your eyes.  
They left wet spots on your shirt.  
The memories you had made with the 11th Doctor shone brightly against the dull moments of the past weeks with his 12th incarnation.

You couldn’t deny there had been fun, even great moments with the grumpy man too, but they were so very different.  
Eleven, how you had liked to call him when ‘Doctor’ seemed too over-the-top, had always shown empathy towards everyone and everything, both new and known, especially towards you.  
Your past life had been far from perfect, and while you at times tried to talk down your problems he had never judged or shown anything but understanding whenever you had opened up to him about something.  
His kindness and his curiosity towards everything had been his greatest traits, making him forgiving and friendly, but also merciless and dangerous at times.  
He himself had warned you that he’d be different man after regeneration but this...  
He could not have prepared you in any way to deal with him as he was now.

Discussions had followed constant arguments, always going by without an apology from him or the slight notice he might have been in the wrong for once, if only morally.  
What had he called you again the last time you both had been outside the blue box on an adventure?  
The words were still there, piercing and cold.

“She’s my carer. She cares, so I don’t have to.”

Like he could just rid himself of the emotional and moral burden of his actions and thrust them onto you, as if you where only the donkey carrying the weights while trudging along after him on his horse, off to explore time and space.

You rubbed your hands over your face and your eyes travelled upwards to the wooden ceiling.  
“Is he always like this?” You asked quietly. “After regeneration, I mean. Is he always so utterly different from before?”  
You knew the Tardis could hear you, even if she couldn’t reply in the common way of words.  
Another sigh left your lips and your eyes fixed on the folded hands in your lap.  
The bitter taste of the words you were about to say made your face scrunch.  
“I’m so sorry.” You whispered. “But I... I can’t... I can’t stay.”  
A low, pulsing sound, like a gong had been rung, vibrated through the room and tingled in your chest.  
“I’m sorry.” You repeated, louder this time. Your heart still softly vibrated on itself.  
“I just can’t take this anymore. He interacts with me as if I were a stranger, and in the next moment he introduces me to people as some weird assistant that’s been following him for years. He’s still the Doctor, I know that, even though he seems to be an entirely different person now. I, I would like to help him, I’m in debt with him there, but if he doesn’t let me I can’t do anything about that. He says things that are insults, things that hurt me, without realizing what they mean to me, and then, when I bring it up, he doesn’t apologize. Not really. He doesn’t mean the words he says then.” You sat up now, gesticulating as you explained yourself to the Tardis. She stayed quiet, as if patiently listening.  
“I’m not the companion he wants, that he needs, anymore. He should find someone he can actually talk, be with. I’m done with this. I tried to keep up with him, I really did, but it seems his life is running at a different pace than mine now. We can’t stay like this. It’s for the best when I leave him, even if it means leaving you too...”  
Your voice faded out as you placed your hand on the wall again, leaning your head against it as well.  
“I can’t say I understand what it must be like for you, you, who has been his longest companion and always been there for him. Maybe you have a different view on this than me. Probably. But I can only do so much, give him so much, before I run out. And I think I have. It’s time for me to move on.”  
Resignation wound itself in your voice.

The tears that had escaped your eyes had left a damp path, and as you picked up the few things scattered about the room you wanted to take with you you quickly wiped it away with a shirtsleeve.  
Movement from the corner of your eye got your attention. As you turned towards the large window you saw the scenery shift. The viewpoint moved upwards through the trees, more and more light broke through the leaves until it stopped at a point where one could overlook the very top.  
Mirrors on the ceiling transferred the light and warmth from the burning star onto the trees and your room filled up with golden light and a pleasant temperature.  
You stepped closer to the window one more time, smiling at the beautiful view.  
“Thank you.” You said, still looking out over the forest.

  
As you returned to the control room you found it abandoned which was a relief. At the same time it posed a small problem as well, since flying the Tardis had never been one of your great achievements.  
But you were fairly certain you could scrape together the bits of information your Doctor had given to you and make it work.  
You gave the console a stern look.  
“Let’s see. This - is set to Earth, good. Coordinates... Could you maybe...?” You gave a pleading look at the time rotor. “Remember when he parked you in the little park and waited for me to get ice-cream? There. I’d like to go back there.”  
The Tardis made a humming noise and the numbers on various displays spun.  
Next up was the time on which you would arrive.  
“Time, time... There.” You typed in the time the Doctor, your Doctor, had picked you up, gave it another thought and set the time a bit earlier. If all went well you’d arrive before the two of you would leave.  
A gut feeling told you you had forgotten something when you reached out and pulled the lever that activated the engines, but you were only reminded of the stabilizers as a low ‘dong’ erupted from the ground beneath your feet. You silently scolded yourself as you leaned around the console and pushed three buttons, after which the low noise stopped.  
The time rotor began to spin as you entered the vortex, the familiar wheezing noise surrounding you.  
Moments later the engines stopped and a small beeping arose.  
As you turned around you could see a small monitor blink on one of the side-panels:

LANDING: SUCCESSFUL

You had made it home.  
“Thank you so much.” A last look around the grey metal of the control room. “It has been truly amazing.”  
With a final, slightly sad, smile, you placed the precious key to the box underneath the telephone outside the door and closed the sign in front of it. You had also left a post-it note on the door to what was now your former room, explaining why you had to leave.  
One step backwards, then another before the light on top of the box began to light up rhythmically to the sound of her disintegrating and you were left in the park alone.  
After a look around to remember where you were you knew the direction where to go again.

The end of the park came in sight, the familiar blue shining through the green trees already, promising the presence of the younger Doctor waiting for the younger you, who had hopped into the ice cream shop across the street.

There wasn’t much time left and so you picked up your pace and ran the short distance to the box, stopping at the backside to catch your breath before rounding the corner and facing him.  
You hadn’t given a second thought what he’d do about hearing footsteps approaching his ship, but he was curious, as he had always been, and much to both of your surprise you ran right into him when you stepped out from behind the box.  
His hands automatically placed themselves around your shoulders as you bumped into him, in time with your hands connecting with his chest.  
For a second you only looked into each other’s eyes, too baffled to say a word.  
His eyes were so green.

“Doctor.” You said. He took your hands off his coat and between his bony fingers, giving you a slightly confused look. His brows contracted as he tried to wrap his mind around what was happening, his head inclined towards you.  
Without further hesitation you stood up on your toes and wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. He wordlessly hugged back, one hand at the back of your head as he bend down so you wouldn’t have to stretch yourself.  
Tears welled up in your eyes as you pushed your face into his shoulder, inhaling the familiar scent. Squeezing your eyes shut you tried to push back the salt water.

He felt the first sob and pulled away to cup your face in a hand, worry now mixing with the confusion.  
Blinking cleared your vision enough to let you see his face again. You leaned in and gave him a kiss on his cheek, trying to put all the emotion you had no words for in that one kiss.  
His fingers on your back grabbed your clothes.  
After a heartbeat you pulled away, knowing it must only be seconds before the younger you would leave the shop.  
His green eyes screamed for an explanation, wanted to ask why you were crying, wanted to know what was happening.  
“I just wanted... To say hello, Doctor.” There was a smile on your face, one of your I-am-so-happy-I-don’t-care-how-I-smile-smiles, but there were also tears leaving your eyes every so often and he didn’t understand why, he didn’t understand anything.  
He tried to ask you, but his voice was hoarse and he had to clear his throat.  
You glanced over to the shop in which the younger you had now paid for the ice cream and would exit any moment, spotting the blue box almost immediately.  
“Thank you.” There was so much more to be said but you had run out of time. Your hand cupped his cheek one last time as you bit your lower lip, fighting the urge to hug him again, to stay with him.  
Somehow you managed to let go and hurry in the opposite direction, away from the mad man with the blue box, away from your younger self.  
You relived the joy and sheer excitement from when you had caught sight of the box and its owner, that he had come back for you and wanted to travel with you some more and how lucky you were that he wanted to.  
  
The 11th Doctor, still rendered speechless, tried to wrap his head around what had just happened.  
Your voice calling out to him from across the street brought more confusion than explanation as he was surprised to be greeted by a completely different looking you. Your whole body seemed lighter, your shoulders not sunken down and your hair in a bouncy pony-tail. He flashed a grin and made a comment about how nice it was to see you again to hide his current emotions. He hugged your smaller body and opened the door for you to enter the Tardis.  
Before he followed you inside he looked around a last time.  
His green eyes caught sight of you standing next to a bench, backpack over your shoulder while you waved a hand, smiling.  
His fingertips went up to where your lips had been moments ago, feeling the brief rush of emotions it had made him able to glimpse. Most of all sadness, but also bittersweet happiness.  
A call from inside the control room got his attention, and when he looked back to where you had been standing he found the spot empty.  
He felt a fluttering feeling in his stomach as he closed the doors behind him, he felt his steps being lighter than before and a warm feeling spreading through him as he saw you happily eating ice cream while waiting for him.

As you watched the Tardis fade away to new adventures you knew you had done the right thing.  
It had been such a relief to know his younger version was still there, that you had travelled with him like this, and that you hadn’t imagined him being so different.

You clasped your hands together over your chest.  
“Doctor”, you whispered while closing your eyes, thinking of the time spent with him. “Warp speed.”


End file.
